My mom upon watching a ‘get fit’ commercial: “If I had a body like that, I’d walk around in a bikini all the time. And when it’s winter and it’s too cold, I’ll wear a pin on my jacket with a picture of me in my bikini.”
Submitted by: Maddie
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Archive for the 'text' Category
Maddie
Jan. 27, 2010
Psychocat
Jan. 27, 2010
My mother (always very nasty when drunk): “You’re the f**king spawn of Satan!”
Me (rolling eyes): “You realize that makes you the Devil’s bitch, right?”
Submitted by: Psychocat
eggsnhm
Jan. 27, 2010
Mom to me, as I head out for the evening:
“Let me see what you’re wearing, so I can describe your dead body to the police.”
Submitted by: eggsnhm
Leigh
Jan. 27, 2010
Me: I don’t see why I can’t have innocent sleepovers with boys.
Dad: I don’t want you having sex with boys!
Me: But I can have sleepovers with girls… is sex with girls OK?
Dad: Only if you videotape it and I get a share of the profits.
Submitted by: Leigh
jblitz
Jan. 27, 2010
Me: Can you lay off with the questions a little.
Mom: Well it’s something I’m not used to, if i met someone with rabies I’d have lots of questions!
Me: Did you just compare being gay to having rabies….
Submitted by: jblitz
Kita
Dec. 16, 2009
While a friend and I were reading a hilarious Facebook post, laughing hysterically, my grandfather shouts from the living room, “You two had better not be looking at porn!”
Mars478
Nov. 12, 2009
While talking to my mom today: “It would be cool to be abducted by aliens— as long as they don’t rape me.”
Autumn
Nov. 11, 2009
“Where is that ball butter stuff you bought the other day? You know that udder butter? Damn, it! That stuff black people use on their hair!”
- My mom asking me where my pomade was.
Nicholas C.
Sep. 30, 2009
“Sweeping behind the stove I found your Artie Doodie.”
- My grandma referring to my R2D2 action figure lost years ago.
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