Mom: “They could cut teenage pregnancies way down if they just told you what happened. It’s painful, humiliating, and you take a dump! You were born in POOP!”
Archive for December, 2009
Lynn
Dec. 29, 2009
ihatesatin
Dec. 28, 2009
Looking at satin sheets in a store: “Hey mom, what do you think of these”
Mom, at top volume: “You’re trying to conceive? That’s WONDERFUL!”
Me: “What?!”
Mom: “Well, all MY kids were all conceived on satin sheets…”
Spokane
Dec. 25, 2009
Dad: Just shoot them! First you shoot them, then you call your lawyer, THEN you can call 911.
sunflower.wednesday
Dec. 21, 2009
During a conversation between my brother and me one of us responded “One time at band camp…” at that point mom piped in “Your grandmother went to band camp. She played the flute.” Stunned silence.
woadgrrl
Dec. 17, 2009
Dad, referring to my baby sister: She’s so smart, she’s got two brains. I have really smart kids. I should sell my semen.
Kita
Dec. 16, 2009
While a friend and I were reading a hilarious Facebook post, laughing hysterically, my grandfather shouts from the living room, “You two had better not be looking at porn!”
Gearhead
Dec. 16, 2009
Upon telling my dad I’d be camping with my boyfriend he replied with
“Hey, you wanna’ borrow the tent you were conceived in when your mom and I camped in the Grand Canyon?”
I hope he aired it out at least.
vash989
Dec. 15, 2009
Me talking to my dad after breaking up with my girlfriend:
Dad: Well son, it will all be fine. Next time just get one with bigger boobs.
Beretta Paige
Dec. 15, 2009
My dad: “You have to lock the door or else someone will come in at night and have buttsex with me without me knowing it.”
Me: “Uh, dad, I think you’d know.”
Manda
Dec. 14, 2009
The only reason I should study chemistry, according to my mom: “If all else fails, you’ll know how to make Meth!”
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